“People talk about forgiveness, but I am too full of hurt and resentment. Since doing couples counselling, we are better at communicating. I want to work it out, but I haven’t forgiven him yet. How do I let go of the past and forgive?” So, start by asking yourself what happens when you don’t forgive. If it’s only good things, then don’t forgive! But, more likely, you are asking this because you want out of the mental suffering that non-forgiveness creates…
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In case you missed it or aren’t on Facebook, I posted a video yesterday about my own trauma story (see below). Actually, just one piece of my story that came back to me after 20 years. I was inspired because many survivors of trauma who I meet are still carrying around feelings of shame. Which is understandable, since shock and trauma can leave us disoriented, frozen, fearful, and ashamed. But I believe in the power of stories to…
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The myth that stress is bad for us still abounds. I personally think toxic shame is much worse. But stress in all forms, such as fear, worry, discomfort and anxiety, is part of life. So long as we are not ignoring high levels of chronic stress, stress is important and helpful. At any rate, stress is inevitable. So, we need to adopt a friendly attitude towards stress and to build our capacity to handle it. So how do we do that?
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Today I was invited onto ABC Radio in Brisbane to discuss happiness and “Happiness Killers”. A great deal of our thinking and behaviours as human beings create our suffering states, such as powerlessness, resentment, anger, exhaustion, anxiety, jealousy, depression and disappointment. This is my take on the term ‘happiness killers’. Below are the five Happiness Killers I spoke about at the ABC today.
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Last Saturday I ran a short but successful workshop at the Solstice Festival at Northey Street City Farm on Nonviolent Communication or NVC. I got lots of messages afterwards and I was reminded that lots of people have lots of interest in this topic. So, I thought I would compile a bunch of links for you for future reference to NVC courses and resources (online + face-to-face).
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If you have no plans this Saturday June 23, come down to Northey Street City Farm in Windsor to the Winter Solstice Festival and join this free workshop with Dr Rachel Hannam from 2pm-3pm at the FairShare Tent to learn about nonviolent communication or NVC.
NVC helps us to bypass blame and judgement, and connect with feelings and needs. Here is a link to the…
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For many people, lack of self-confidence comes form having a harsh inner critic. How do you manage a harsh inner critic? Or harsh critics around you? Working on your own life and mind is the key to accepting yourself as you are and letting go of those criticisms.
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When you are tense, your breathing is tight. Three Sighs is the most time-efficient meditation you will ever do. It’s very short – maybe 30 seconds long – but you can change your state of body and mind markedly in that time.
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The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living – Socrates We humans have a unique ability that rarely gets talked about in this culture. It’s the ability to observe our own inner experiences as if an internal witness was privy to them. In other words, to engage the ‘observing self’. Most children and young people are not […]
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Set yourself free by recognising this one tendency we all share and how it can go awry. Life is to be lived, not controlled. Like a surfer in the waves, we need to respond to life, not stress ourselves managing and controlling it all.
Read more...Sometimes I use this process with clients who are stuck to a sticky thought and want to get unstuck! We all have sticky thoughts. These are the intrusive or compulsive beliefs or mental stories we automatically tell ourselves when stressed. These thoughts can loop endlessly in our heads. The sticky thought is almost always a […]
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Self-harm is often a disguised cry for help. But there are ways to recover from and get out of this maladaptive behaviour.
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Sometimes anger comes from believing (consciously or unconsciously) that situations or people should be other than they are. It is normal for us to do this, but not very helpful. Things are as they are in each moment. Blame, anger and judgement rarely change life for the better. However, understanding the underlying feelings and needs […]
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Let’s talk about how beliefs affect our coping strategies in life and, in turn, accidentally keep us stuck. Take John for example. John is 45 years old. Growing up, he developed the idea (called a negative core belief or a schema) that he is “unlikeable”. Here are 3 coping strategies John might use for coping […]
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Low self-esteem can be addressed. You need to understand its origin and address it. You are carrying emotional baggage that is weighing you down and you need help to release it.
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