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The Superpower of Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is a superpower. Whilst I was growing up, and even now as an adult, I found the X-Men Marvel characters really appealing. I mean what teenager doesn’t know the feeling of being weird, judged or like an outsider? How awesome it was to escape into a world where I could imagine having superpowers! Now I see…

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How to Give Empathy

I want to be a more empathic person. But when I try to give empathy, I don’t really know how. I end up giving sympathy. Or I ask questions and give suggestions, leading to conflict. How do I give empathy to my partner or my children without ending up in an argument or feeling rather disconnected and helpless? I need some tips….

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How Do I Forgive Him?

“People talk about forgiveness, but I am too full of hurt and resentment. Since doing couples counselling, we are better at communicating. I want to work it out, but I haven’t forgiven him yet. How do I let go of the past and forgive?” So, start by asking yourself what happens when you don’t forgive. If it’s only good things, then don’t forgive! But, more likely, you are asking this because you want out of the mental suffering that non-forgiveness creates…

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Feeling Tight? Sigh Three Times

When you are tense, your breathing is tight. Three Sighs is the most time-efficient meditation you will ever do. It’s very short – maybe 30 seconds long – but you can change your state of body and mind markedly in that time.

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Toxic Friendship: How Do I Deal With Her Negativity?

What do you do about negative friends? First ask, “Does this relationship support your life or enrich it somehow, or does it detract from your life?” In other words, does the person drag you up or down? Getting clear on your answer can help. Also, you may need to be honest and tell your friend about the impact her self-focused, negative communication has on you. It might seem astounding, but it could be that she does not even realise how you are affected.

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We are all control freaks!

Set yourself free by recognising this one tendency we all share and how it can go awry. Life is to be lived, not controlled. Like a surfer in the waves, we need to respond to life, not stress ourselves managing and controlling it all.

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A 5-step Process for Understanding and Bypassing Anger

Sometimes anger comes from believing (consciously or unconsciously) that situations or people should be other than they are. It is normal for us to do this, but not very helpful. Things are as they are in each moment. Blame, anger and judgement rarely change life for the better. However, understanding the underlying feelings and needs […]

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Is it wrong to have secret contact with my ex?

We find that quite a lot of people stay in contact with an ex when they are in a relationship. Some do this secretly. If you are doing this or thinking about contacting an ex, read this now.

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How do we work together to discipline our children?

Discipling children is challenging and it is difficult to get the balance right. But it is possible if both parents look at their own childhood and how they were disciplined and get in touch with their childhood feelings. Mining your childhood in this way will uncover buried treasure and help you be a better parent.

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What To Do About Trump: A Suggestion

This is a guest blog by a good friend of NBP, psychologist Karen Nixon. We hope it helps. Yesterday I read how affected some of my Facebook friends are at what Trump is doing. I felt very disturbed, spending the day on the Internet reading the news and a lot of commentary. I started to see him […]

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How do I deal with my difficult hurtful mother?

Having an unsatisfactory relationship with your mother is deeply disappointing. You cannot change her, but you can change how you react to her. It takes some work but it is worthwhile. You can have a peaceful relationship with your mother.

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Family loss or conflict at Christmas

How realistic is family togetherness at Christmas? How many of us realise the dream and have loving, positive interactions with our relatives without any tension or discord? And how many of us have all the important members of our family present? Christmas can bring grief, sadness, estrangement and conflicts.

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Giving up being a victim of domestic violence

District Court Judge, Ian Wylie, in a case of domestic violence, handed down a controversial decision. In doing so, he reminded us of the futility of making a virtue of victimhood. The judge reduced the compensation awarded to a woman who lost her eye when her defacto husband attacked her with a broomstick on the […]

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I don’t want to be a bitch

Beware the quiet and tolerant. They might seem sweet and remain calm for ages before one day you are hit with an explosion. Your sweet friend has turned into a bitch. And you wonder what is going on.

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Do I tell my friend her new relationship is as hopeless as all her others?

Watching a friend make the same mistake over and over is painful. You want to save her, stop her from the disaster, and save your mobile phone bill from exploding when the disaster happens. But interfering has its risks.

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