Submitted Question: I know I need to stop contacting an ex of mine but I keep getting hooked back in. Interacting with him is not good for me. How can I stop contacting my ex?
It’s completely understandable that reaching out to an ex can feel tempting, especially when emotions are still fresh. But if you’re trying to stop yourself from contacting your ex, it’s important to recognise that doing so might not be in your best interest for your emotional well-being and healing. Here are some strategies you can try:
1. Reflect on Why You Want to Reach Out
- Take a moment to reflect on why you’re considering reaching out. Is it because you miss them, feel lonely, or are hoping for closure? Understanding your motivations can help you realise whether reconnecting is truly the best thing for you in the long term.
- Write down your reasons for not contacting them as a reminder to return to (when you feel the urge to reach out).
2. Delete or Block Their Contact Information
- Delete their phone number, or if that feels too extreme, at least hide their contact info so it’s not easy to just dial them up in a moment of weakness.
- Consider blocking them on social media or removing them from your feeds, so you’re not constantly seeing their name and their posts and making yourself more likely to contact them.
3. Distract Yourself with Healthy Activities
- When the urge to contact them strikes, redirect that energy into something positive for yourself. Go for a walk, call a friend, pick up a hobby, do some stretches, or focus on a project that engages your mind and body.
- Being active or involved in something you enjoy will help shift your focus away from the temptation to reach out.
4. Remind Yourself of the Reasons for the Breakup
- Whether it was mutual or not, there was a reason for the breakup. Reflect on the things that didn’t work in the relationship or why it ended. This reminder can help reinforce why staying apart is the healthier choice.
- You could even write down a list of the reasons you broke up, and keep it somewhere handy to refer to when you feel tempted.
5. Talk to a Supportive Friend or Therapist
- Confide in a trusted friend or therapist who can offer advice, encouragement, and support. Sometimes just talking through your feelings can help ease the urge to contact your ex.
- A friend can remind you of your value and the importance of staying strong in your decision not to reach out.
6. Set a “No Contact” Rule for Yourself
- Make a commitment to yourself that you won’t contact your ex for a set period of time, whether it’s a week, a month, or much longer. During this time, focus on your personal growth, healing, and moving forward. The more time that passes, the easier it can become to resist the urge.
- You could also create an accountability system, where you check in with a friend or journal about how you’re feeling during the no-contact period.
7. Practice Self-Care
- Focus on your emotional healing by practicing self-compassion. Give yourself time and space to grieve and recover. Consider engaging in mindfulness, meditation, or journaling to process your emotions and thoughts.
- The more you take care of yourself and invest in your own healing, the less you may feel the need to reach out to your ex.
8. Visualise the Consequences of Contacting Them
- Imagine the aftermath of reaching out—whether it’s reopening old wounds, triggering stress, complicating your healing process, or possibly giving your ex the wrong impression. Visualising the possible negative effects can help reinforce the decision not to contact.
9. Remind Yourself of Your Growth
- Acknowledge the growth and progress you’ve made since the breakup. Reaching out to your ex could undo the hard work you’ve put into moving yourself forward. Celebrate how far you’ve come in focusing on your well-being.
10. Create New Boundaries for Yourself
- If you’re still connected through mutual friends or shared social circles, create boundaries for yourself in those areas too. Limit the information you get about your ex, and be mindful of how interacting with mutual connections could make it harder for you to let go.
It’s completely normal to feel the urge to reconnect, especially after a breakup, but keeping yourself focused on healing, personal growth, and self-respect is key. If it’s too difficult on your own, seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor could be really helpful in navigating this challenging time.