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How to stop being a people-pleaser (but stay loving)

Are you a people-pleaser? What is the difference between caring about others and having empathy, and being a people-pleaser? How do you tell the difference? In this short video, Dr Rachel explains the distinction.

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Having Faith as a Psychologist: An interview with Nahum Kozak (NBP)

In this delightful ABC interview with Katherine (Kat) Feeney, NBP psychologist Nahum Kozak discusses how an incident over 20 years ago when he was only 19 on a church camp made him reassess his faith, and find hope for his future and personal healing through compassionate friendship.

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Overcoming Childhood Suffering: A Three Stage Process

Dark moments from our childhood – divorce, emotional neglect, a parent’s mental illness, witnessing violence or addiction, being abused – can stay with us as adults, even though we ‘feel fine’ most of the time. Research shows that adverse childhood experiences produce toxic levels of stress hormones that can affect the development of the neural networks in a child’s brain. In the past 20 years, researchers have shown that high scores on the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) survey are highly predictive of adult mental, social and physical health problems later in life. The effects of these ACEs may be invisible, but they can weigh upon us decades later.

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How to Give Empathy

I want to be a more empathic person. But when I try to give empathy, I don’t really know how. I end up giving sympathy. Or I ask questions and give suggestions, leading to conflict. How do I give empathy to my partner or my children without ending up in an argument or feeling rather disconnected and helpless? I need some tips….

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How Do I Forgive Him?

“People talk about forgiveness, but I am too full of hurt and resentment. Since doing couples counselling, we are better at communicating. I want to work it out, but I haven’t forgiven him yet. How do I let go of the past and forgive?” So, start by asking yourself what happens when you don’t forgive. If it’s only good things, then don’t forgive! But, more likely, you are asking this because you want out of the mental suffering that non-forgiveness creates…

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Workshop with Rachel on Nonviolent Communication June 23, 2018

If you have no plans this Saturday June 23, come down to Northey Street City Farm in Windsor to the Winter Solstice Festival and join this free workshop with Dr Rachel Hannam from 2pm-3pm at the FairShare Tent to learn about nonviolent communication or NVC.

NVC helps us to bypass blame and judgement, and connect with feelings and needs. Here is a link to the…

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It Is Not The Critic Who Counts

For many people, lack of self-confidence comes form having a harsh inner critic. How do you manage a harsh inner critic? Or harsh critics around you? Working on your own life and mind is the key to accepting yourself as you are and letting go of those criticisms.

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How to Stop Struggling With Yourself: Develop the Observing Self

The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living – Socrates We humans have a unique ability that rarely gets talked about in this culture. It’s the ability to observe our own inner experiences as if an internal witness was privy to them. In other words, to engage the ‘observing self’. Most children and young people are not […]

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4 Steps to Self-Empathy: Get Calm and Clear

Often I use this process with clients who are stuck to a sticky thought and want to get unstuck! We all have sticky thoughts; intrusive or compulsive mental stories we automatically tell ourselves when stressed that can loop endlessly in our heads. The sticky thought is almost always a judgement, either of the self or […]

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A 5-step Process for Understanding and Bypassing Anger

Sometimes anger comes from believing (consciously or unconsciously) that situations or people should be other than they are. It is normal for us to do this, but not very helpful. Things are as they are in each moment. Blame, anger and judgement rarely change life for the better. However, understanding the underlying feelings and needs […]

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Euthanasia and suicide. What is the difference?

Is there a difference between suicide and euthanasia? Even though euthanasia and suicide are both about avoiding pain, there is one major difference. But is that difference enough to legalise euthanasia? We explore the risks.

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What To Do About Trump: A Suggestion

This is a guest blog by a good friend of NBP, psychologist Karen Nixon. We hope it helps. Yesterday I read how affected some of my Facebook friends are at what Trump is doing. I felt very disturbed, spending the day on the Internet reading the news and a lot of commentary. I started to see him […]

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What To Do When Your Partner Lacks Empathy

“I was recently involved with a narcissistic man who was completely unable to empathize/care or even think about my feelings and needs. Sometimes I would have to explain how his behavior was affecting me and he would eventually acknowledge he could see how I might feel, but never changed the behavior. Can someone be taught […]

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My wife has found God. Have I lost her?

My wife has recently found God. She has started going to church every Sunday and favours spending time with her co-believers rather than the friends we have made together. I feel very isolated as I don’t share her faith and I feel that her new interest is creating a wedge between us. You are right. […]

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