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Defensiveness is natural but being non-defensive is wise

Defensiveness, defined as any attempt to defend oneself from perceived attack, is the third of Dr. Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Many people, especially those in long-term relationships, get defensive OFTEN. And as fun as righteous indignation, playing the victim, and whining can be, they don’t work.

Getting defensive is a very natural human reaction. No one likes feeling under attack from judgement, criticism or blame. However, defensiveness gives rise to more defensiveness and can turn into contempt and resentment. We need to find a way out. The key lies in our response-ability. Find your ability to respond rather than REACT.

The antidote to defensiveness is always accepting responsibility for your role in the issue. We can only do this when we get calm. Watch this short video I made to find out more.

Video about defensiveness 😠How easy is it to get defensive? As easy as falling off a log! In this video, I talk about two of the many ways we get defensive and what to do about it.

Posted by North Brisbane Psychologists on Sunday, 18 August 2019
Defensiveness may be natural, but never helpful. Start by self-soothing.

Rachel

3 thoughts on “Defensiveness is natural but being non-defensive is wise

  1. Hi Rachel, I am using this video as inspiration to keep me on track at the moment! I have recently had a breakdown in my relationship and after watching this video there are points that you make that resemble both my partner and myself! We have an appointment with one of your psychologists in a week and I just hope my partner will attend.

  2. Hi Rachel, I am using this video as inspiration to keep me on track at the moment! I have recently had a breakdown in my relationship and after watching this video there are points that you make that resemble both my partner and myself! We have an appointment with one of your psychologists in a week and I just hope my partner will attend.

    1. Thanks for your comment Tony. I hope so too. Wishing you all the best and feel free to get in touch with me as the director if you need to know anything about the therapy process or our practice’s protocols. Rachel 🙂

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