What do you do about negative friends? First ask, “Does this relationship support your life or enrich it somehow, or does it detract from your life?” In other words, does the person drag you up or down? Getting clear on your answer can help. Also, you may need to be honest and tell your friend about the impact her self-focused, negative communication has on you. It might seem astounding, but it could be that she does not even realise how you are affected.
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My wife and I argue about how to manage our 13 year-old daughter. My wife is very liberal while I insist on reasonable limits. My wife doesn’t seem to appreciate that it’s a dangerous world out there. She gets angry and accuses me of being like her father who was very strict. How do we […]
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I have worked within a number of organizations and I have worked with many different people. Why is it that there is always one person in the workplace, often a woman, who is nasty – the sort who will make a sarcastic remark or undermine people behind their backs? How is it best to deal […]
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How should I handle attention? Some people seem to welcome it. Others, like me, find it uncomfortable. With attention, there are two recognisable types. The attention seekers who slurp up attention like kids lap up ice cream, and those who feel uncomfortable whenever under the spotlight. Most of us lie somewhere between. In some circumstances, […]
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Being in a long-term relationship is challenging. It is inevitable that you will sometimes slip into cycles of withdrawing (sulking or silent treatment) and of being adversarial (defending or attacking). This is your natural fight-or-flight instinct taking hold. How partners cope with these cycles determines the quality of the relationship and, indeed, whether the relationship […]
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“Don’t put your “but” in the face of an angry person” – Marshall Rosenberg If you are interested in being an effective communicator, you are probably interested in the power of words and language. One I have been practising for some time in my own life is avoiding the word “but”, often by substituting the […]
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First, let’s start with how NOT to have a healthy relationship. 1. Blame and criticise the other person: Make sure you include denigrating judgements such as arrogant, uncaring, insensitive, inconsiderate, manipulative, irresponsible, or autocratic. Labels and put-downs contain no useful information, so you’re guaranteed to stop the other person from learning anything useful. 2. Deny […]
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Many couples struggle with issues within their relationship. When they come to see us they often say, “We have communication problems.” They think that improving their communication skills will solve their relationship problems. Communication skills can be extremely helpful. But there is a catch. You have to put communication skills into practice for them to […]
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