A life coach is not the right choice when you are depressed with low mood and low motivation. You need a qualified psychologist to help you address your emotional issues first.

A life coach is not the right choice when you are depressed with low mood and low motivation. You need a qualified psychologist to help you address your emotional issues first.

I’ve been suffering problems with low self-esteem and self-confidence and lack of motivation for some months now for no obvious reason. Do you have any tips on how to pull myself out of this hole, or should I get a life coach?

You don’t need a life coach, not yet. A life coach will help you make a plan, set goals and milestones that you will struggle to meet. That will make you feel worse not better.

You can’t work out why you feel low and unmotivated. But you are not stupid. There is a reason for your feelings and behaviour. You might not be aware of this reason; it can be deeply buried, but it is there and it makes sense at some level.

Low self-esteem is caused by shame. Shame can be picked up in a number of ways. A child that is belittled will feel shamed. Shame can be present at birth such as in a baby who is not wanted. Failing to meet expectations, ours or others, will bring shame. Most people carry some level of shame even though they might not be consciously aware of it.

You need to get in touch with your deeply buried feelings of shame and find their source. You probably need help from a psychologist or professional counselor to address these feelings of shame in a constructive way. Self-acceptance and genuine forgiveness is the key here.

Low self-confidence follows low self-esteem. Self-confidence comes from doing what we say we are going to do including the promises we make to ourselves. Your problem is that you don’t always feel like doing what you said you would, so you don’t. When you fail to follow through, you don’t realise how much you pay. You lose more of your self-confidence. This is self-sabotaging behaviour. Deep down you feel you don’t deserve to have good things happen so you fail to take action that will create positive results. This feeling of not deserving is related to the deeply buried feelings of shame.

Low-motivation follows on from the shame and inability to follow through on what you say you’ll do. You feel weighed down and cannot be bothered investing energy in doing anything non-essential. All that negative emotional energy that is trapped inside you is heavy. It needs to be released.

You haven’t got the energy to pull yourself out of this hole. Don’t even try. Seek help to burrow down deeper into the cause for these feelings. There is a cavern beneath. When you find it you come out of this hole a different way. You will feel different. The feelings you have need to be explored and accepted. From acceptance, comes change.

You are probably suffering mild depression. If you don’t take action, you could find yourself suffering from serious depression. Then you might need drugs as well as therapy. Take this opportunity now to address your negative feelings with a qualified therapist. Then help from a life coach will be more effective.

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