Guest blog by Michelle Janssen The arrival of a newborn is a bundle of painful and beautiful contradictions. Love like you’ve never known amidst sleepless, anxious nights. Staring into their gorgeous eyes as you awkwardly navigate endless nappy changes, swaddling and trying to get into some sort of new routine – the sudden and unrelenting […]
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Many people get defensive OFTEN. Righteous indignation, playing the victim, and whining can be heaps of fun; the problem is they don’t work! No one likes feeling under attack from judgement, criticism or blame. Yet, defensiveness gives rise to more defensiveness. We need to find a way out. The key lies in our response-ability. Watch this short video to find out more.
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Dealing with narcissistic people (self-serving people who lack empathy and have an inflated sense of their own importance) can be maddening. It can be tempting to argue with them and scream, “What’s wrong with you?” Don’t do this. There is a much more effective way to deal with them; something known as the Grey Rock method.
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Are you a people-pleaser? What is the difference between caring about others and having empathy, and being a people-pleaser? How do you tell the difference? In this short video, Dr Rachel explains the distinction.
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Trust and loyalty have at least one thing in common: I am making something I value vulnerable to another person’s actions. Whatever I choose to make vulnerable to another’s actions, I do so because I believe their actions will support it or, at least, will not harm it. In the beginning however, loyalty to a person, place or brand always begins with how that person or place makes me feel. Which is where I begin this interview I did yesterday on ABC Radio in Brisbane. Click to listen.
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From friend of NBP, Erin Young. Do you use social media wisely? As a trainer and educator, the rich offering from the social ecology of my cyber friends and social networks is something I value greatly. Human experiences, curated as they may be, flow by like a river in my Facebook feed. Some of them […]
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Today I was invited on ABC Radio Brisbane to discuss the importance of quality couples’ time, especially for couples with children. Here are my “hot tips” on connecting after kids…
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I want to be a more empathic person. But when I try to give empathy, I don’t really know how. I end up giving sympathy. Or I ask questions and give suggestions, leading to conflict. How do I give empathy to my partner or my children without ending up in an argument or feeling rather disconnected and helpless? I need some tips….
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“People talk about forgiveness, but I am too full of hurt and resentment. Since doing couples counselling, we are better at communicating. I want to work it out, but I haven’t forgiven him yet. How do I let go of the past and forgive?” So, start by asking yourself what happens when you don’t forgive. If it’s only good things, then don’t forgive! But, more likely, you are asking this because you want out of the mental suffering that non-forgiveness creates…
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Last Saturday I ran a short but successful workshop at the Solstice Festival at Northey Street City Farm on Nonviolent Communication or NVC. I got lots of messages afterwards and I was reminded that lots of people have lots of interest in this topic. So, I thought I would compile a bunch of links for you for future reference to NVC courses and resources (online + face-to-face).
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If you have no plans this Saturday June 23, come down to Northey Street City Farm in Windsor to the Winter Solstice Festival and join this free workshop with Dr Rachel Hannam from 2pm-3pm at the FairShare Tent to learn about nonviolent communication or NVC.
NVC helps us to bypass blame and judgement, and connect with feelings and needs. Here is a link to the…
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What do you do about negative friends? First ask, “Does this relationship support your life or enrich it somehow, or does it detract from your life?” In other words, does the person drag you up or down? Getting clear on your answer can help. Also, you may need to be honest and tell your friend about the impact her self-focused, negative communication has on you. It might seem astounding, but it could be that she does not even realise how you are affected.
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Set yourself free by recognising this one tendency we all share and how it can go awry. Life is to be lived, not controlled. Like a surfer in the waves, we need to respond to life, not stress ourselves managing and controlling it all.
Read more...Sometimes I use this process with clients who are stuck to a sticky thought and want to get unstuck! We all have sticky thoughts. These are the intrusive or compulsive beliefs or mental stories we automatically tell ourselves when stressed. These thoughts can loop endlessly in our heads. The sticky thought is almost always a […]
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Sometimes anger comes from believing (consciously or unconsciously) that situations or people should be other than they are. It is normal for us to do this, but not very helpful. Things are as they are in each moment. Blame, anger and judgement rarely change life for the better. However, understanding the underlying feelings and needs […]
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