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How to Stop Struggling With Yourself: Develop the Observing Self

The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living – Socrates We humans have a unique ability that rarely gets talked about in this culture. It’s the ability to observe our own inner experiences as if an internal witness was privy to them. In other words, to engage the ‘observing self’. Most children and young people are not […]

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We are all control freaks! Cognitive skills for finding balance

Set yourself free by recognising this one tendency we all share and how it can go awry. Life is to be lived, not controlled. Like a surfer in the waves, we need to respond to life, not stress ourselves managing and controlling it all.

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4 Steps to Self-Empathy: Get Calm and Clear

Often I use this process with clients who are stuck to a sticky thought and want to get unstuck! We all have sticky thoughts; intrusive or compulsive mental stories we automatically tell ourselves when stressed that can loop endlessly in our heads. The sticky thought is almost always a judgement, either of the self or […]

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How do I stop the abuse from my partner?

I love my boyfriend of three years very much and we have recently moved in together. Things are mostly OK between us but every now and then he gets upset over a trivial matter and yells at me often using abusive language. Once he even slapped me. How do I stop this before the abuse […]

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How not to “vomit” your emotions all over others

Without emotions, life would be dull and TV would be unwatchable. Sit in front of any television drama and you will find people emoting all over the place. Ally McBeal, in the TV show, reacts emotionally to whatever life throws at her, often with scant regard for the recipients of her outbursts. So do many […]

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How to handle attention when you don’t feel comfortable

How should I handle attention? Some people seem to welcome it. Others, like me, find it uncomfortable. With attention, there are two recognisable types. The attention seekers who slurp up attention like kids lap up ice cream, and those who feel uncomfortable whenever under the spotlight. Most of us lie somewhere between. In some circumstances […]

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Overweight and addicted to sugar

I am over weight and addicted to sugar. I am on a low carbohydrate diet that works as long as I stay on it. But as soon as I get down, I crave sugar and usually give in. How do I get the will power to stay healthy? Sugar is a temporary energy hit. The […]

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How do I stop telling lies?

I found myself in a spot of trouble a few years ago and told a lie to get out of it. As time has gone by, the lie has become bigger and bigger and it’s taking a terrible toll on my life. I’m worried that if I tell the truth now my family and friends […]

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How Negative Self-Beliefs Sabotage Us

Let’s talk about how beliefs affect our coping strategies in life and, in turn, accidentally keep us stuck. Take John for example. John is 45 years old. Growing up, he developed the idea (called a negative core belief or a schema) that he is “unlikeable”. Here are 3 coping strategies John might use for coping […]

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How do I stop attracting irresponsible men?

I have just broken up with man who expected me to support him. It doesn’t seem to matter if they are professionals or tradesmen, older or younger, the men I am with all end up being weak and irresponsible. I take my career and responsibilities seriously, why can’t I find a guy like me? Finding […]

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Euthanasia and suicide. What is the difference?

Is there a difference between suicide and euthanasia? Even though euthanasia and suicide are both about avoiding pain, there is one major difference. But is that difference enough to legalise euthanasia? We explore the risks.

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How do I address my low self esteem?

Low self-esteem can be addressed. You need to understand its origin and address it. You are carrying emotional baggage that is weighing you down and you need help to release it.

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How do I deal with my difficult hurtful mother?

Having an unsatisfactory relationship with your mother is deeply disappointing. You cannot change her, but you can change how you react to her. It takes some work but it is worthwhile. You can have a peaceful relationship with your mother.

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I want to be assertive

Unassertive people don’t share themselves with others. They keep quiet or say what they think others want to hear. They are afraid to speak their truth. But if you are not being open and honest, how can anyone know you? There are good reasons to put effort into learning to be more assertive.

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