How do I develop self-confidence?

Confidence doesn’t happen magically. Self confidence comes from trusting yourself by keeping the promises you make to others and yourself.

I spend my life waiting on other people but now I think I need something for me. I have tried a few things but they haven’t worked out. I am one of those people who don’t seem to finish things. I am not very confident so I don’t know what to do or how to make it happen.

Of course, you are not confident. people who fail to follow through never are.

Think about this: You have a friend who tells you what she intends to do but, more times than not, she doesn’t do it.

Is she reliable? Do you trust her? Of course, you don’t. You would be a fool to make plans with this friend. She doesn’t do what she says she’ll do.

The same principle applies to your relationship with yourself. You tell yourself that you are going to do something but then you fail to do it. You are not trustworthy. You cannot rely on yourself.

What is self-confidence? The word “confidence” comes from the Latin verb confidere and means “have full trust.” You cannot have trust in yourself when you fail to do what you say you will do. Naturally, you will have low self-confidence.

You have used two very powerful words very carelessly and those words are “I am.” Whenever you use these two words you are defining yourself and creating your reality. You have said, “I am one of those people who don’t seem to finish things.” In effect, you have defined yourself as a failure. You are saying you have failed in the past and that you are going to continue to fail in the present.

Do you want to keep failing to finish what you commit to? If not, you need to change what you say immediately.

You decide who you are in this moment. You might have been a non-finisher a moment ago but now is a new moment. You can redefine yourself anew by saying, “I used to fail to follow through but now I am someone who does finish what I begin.” If you choose to redefine yourself, you have to make sure you do finish whatever you commit to. If you don’t, you are back being dishonest with yourself and losing more of your self-confidence.

Two approaches will help you follow through.

First, be very careful about saying what you are going to do or not do. Don’t make careless commitments. Think about and what you want and what is realistic. Remember, if you want high self-confidence, you must follow through.

Second, work through your fear of failure. This means acknowledging that you have this fear and checking back into your past to see if there are past “failures” that need to be forgiven. In truth, there is no such thing as a failure. You would have done things differently if you knew, then, what you know, now. You didn’t. So let it go and let yourself off the hook. Just make sure you learn from these experiences.