Being in a long-term relationship is challenging. It is inevitable that you will sometimes slip into cycles of withdrawing (sulking or silent treatment) and of being adversarial (defending or attacking). This is your natural fight-or-flight instinct taking hold. How partners cope with these cycles determines the quality of the relationship and, indeed, whether the relationship […]
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“Don’t put your “but” in the face of an angry person” – Marshall Rosenberg If you are interested in being an effective communicator, you are probably interested in the power of words and language. One I have been practising for some time in my own life is avoiding the word “but”, often by substituting the […]
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Many of us don’t act until we feel like taking action. This might work well in some areas of our lives, such as getting our hair cut. But if we wait for the right feeling before being kind to others, starting an exercise program, or practising more patience, we may never take the critical first step. We […]
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An abusive father has a huge impact on a child. The child feels afraid and develops strategies to stay safe. Usually these strategies involve giving in to the father and generally staying out of his way. When you grow up, you start to see how abusive your father was. You are disappointed if you find […]
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Depression always involves a conflict. This conflict overwhelms us so much that we avoid thinking about it. Instead we continue on as if there is no problem at all. Usually the problem doesn’t go away, more likely, it gets worse. We suspect this. Now we work harder at distraction. Any distressing feelings are automatically buried. […]
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At some point in our working lives, most of us will find ourselves in conflict with a work colleague or a manager. Workplace conflict can be very costly for the individuals involved, and their employer. It blocks communication, diminishes trust, and weakens relationships. Conflict is invariably driven by emotion: we argue when we feel […]
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