There is a huge difference in the way people respond to negative comments and criticism. Those with low self-confidence handle it very differently to those people who are self-confident.
When people with low self-confidence react to criticism it’s likely they will feel offended, angry and defensive. Some will feel hurt and wounded. Frequently they are shocked and stunned. They have no idea how to reply. They are a bit like a rabbit in the headlights. They freeze.
They often think later of ways they could have responded but these thoughts and words are never available at the time. Words fail them because they are caught up in their emotional response.
We cannot think and emote at the same time. When we are thinking clearly, we are not emotional. When we are emotional, we are reacting, not thinking.
The people with low self-confidence harbor inner self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness. The criticism finds a home like an arrow hitting a target. The target was sitting there inside them waiting.
A self-confident person who is criticized handles it quite differently.
Because self-confident people have a strong sense of self due to their inner harmony, they do not react. They examine the criticism.
First of all they think about whether there is any truth in the criticism. They consider the content of the criticism. They think about it from a number of different perspectives. They take into account their own motivations and intentions and the agenda of the criticizer.
If they realize there is some validity in the criticism, they decide if they want to change that behavior or not. They ask themselves, “Does this behavior align with my values, my goals and who I am?” If they decide change is needed, they plan the change and carry it out.
Self-confident people do not beat themselves up because of the criticism. If they have offended someone, they apologize. They make the changes they have decided upon and move on.
Self-confident people realize that they are not perfect. They are quite accepting of this because they feel worthwhile regardless. They do the best they can all of the time. They make an effort.
When it turns out that what they did is not good enough, they correct it or make the necessary adjustments. They see these experiences as opportunities to learn. They never see such experiences as mistakes.
A highly self-confident person doesn’t believe in “mistakes” as such. Mistakes are simply the result of lack of knowledge. The “mistake” is the lesson that brings us more knowledge.
Looking to improve your self confidence? Our team at North Brisbane Psycholigsts can help, book an appointment today.