The person I love lives overseas, where he has binding commitments. I cannot get a work visa and prefer to stay here near my family. It seems hopeless. I can’t sleep for trying to find a solution. Should I give up and let him go or is there some solution that I haven’t thought of?
Sometimes true love is letting go. Your lover needs to be overseas and you need to be here. You don’t have to be with the person you love. We can love someone and be apart. This is mature love, a love that puts the needs of the other first.
The relationship between the two of you is not working out. If you were to give up your needs to be with him, you’d build resentment. You would be giving up too much of yourself. The same would be true for him if he moved to be with you. Being together is too much of a stretch for each of you. You could force it to work, but only for a while. Eventually, the imbalance in the relationship would cause its destruction.
When a close loving relationship fails to work, we always fear that we have lost our one true love. This is a result of reading too many romance novels or watching too many romantic movies. Most people move on and sooner or later find a long-lasting, satisfying relationship. Of course, you can keep the torch burning if you want to. But be clear! You are the one making up this fairytale, no one else. Don’t believe you were fated to be together. In any case, if you were, it would have been a lot easier to make it work.
You do need to let go. When you face the reality that the relationship is over, you will feel sad. You will grieve. This is both natural and essential. You imagined a future with this man. This future is not going to happen with him. You are avoiding this grief. You avoid it by keeping alive the idea of being with him. As long as you are busy trying to find a solution, you can believe that it might work out. This saves you from the truth. The truth is there is no viable solution. Your sleeplessness is caused by anxiety. Deep down, you know the relationship is doomed. This makes you anxious.
Break this cycle now. Accept that the relationship is over, and mourn its loss. Let your feelings out. Crying is perfectly appropriate. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Take deep, slow breaths. You will access a deeper sadness. This will free you if you surrender and stop trying to control your feelings. The tears will not last too long.
Comfort yourself with the knowledge that this relationship was never going to work. You are surrounded with your family and friends and that support will see you through.
Be grateful for the time you had with this man. Wish him well and look forward to meeting someone more suitable, someone who lives and works in the same country as you do.