Submitted Question: I think one of my colleagues dislikes me. This is bad timing as my ex hates me now too. Can I love myself anyway? If so, how?
It’s an unfortunate reality that at some point in life, someone will dislike or even hate you. Whether it’s an ex, a former colleague, a family member, or even someone you hardly know, suspecting we are hated can trigger intense emotions. It can make us seriously question our worth and wonder what we did wrong. However, the key to navigating such negativity lies in one simple truth: you are worthy of love, especially your own love.
When faced with someone’s hatred, it’s important not to internalise their feelings. Instead, focus on cultivating self-love and self-care, which can serve as a powerful shield against the sting of others’ negativity. Here are some ways to love yourself through the challenge of someone’s hatred.
1. Give Yourself Permission to Love Yourself
We often seek external validation, but it’s important to recognise that you don’t need anyone’s approval to love yourself. Give yourself permission to embrace who you are fully – imperfections and all. By acknowledging your value, you reclaim the power over your emotions and self-worth. You are enough, just as you are.
2. Engage in Helpful Self-Talk
The way you talk to yourself has a profound impact on how you feel about yourself. When someone expresses hatred toward you, it’s easy to spiral into self-doubt, but this is when you need positive self-talk the most. Remind yourself that others’ feelings do not define your worth.
Some helpful yet simple phrases to practice:
“I am okay”
“I choose to focus on the people who uplift me.”
“I am loveable and worthy of respect, no matter what others think.”
“I am allowed to think well of myself. They can think what they like.”
“I am doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”
3. Practice Self-Forgiveness
Sometimes, when someone dislikes us, we can be tempted to look inward for any mistakes we may have made. But no one is perfect, and self-compassion is essential. If you’ve made mistakes in the past, forgive yourself. Holding onto guilt or shame only diminishes your self-esteem. Self-forgiveness helps you release the burden of past mistakes and continue to grow into the person you are meant to be.
4. Curate Your Social Circles
Not everyone is deserving of your trust or vulnerability. If you feel shame or self-doubt, it is important to talk and to tell your story, as Brene Brown has shown in her research. However, it’s essential to curate your social circles and (as much as you can) only invest time in relationships that truly nourish you. Surround yourself with people who accept, appreciate and support you. Get a good therapist. Being around individuals who genuinely care about you and are interested in your well-being can help you feel grounded and remind you that you are loved.
5. Feel Your Feelings
When someone hates you, it’s natural to feel hurt, frustrated, or even angry. Instead of suppressing these emotions, give yourself permission to feel them. Feelings are temporary, and they serve as signals that guide us through our experiences. Acknowledging and processing your emotions can help you release them in healthy ways, preventing them from impacting your self-worth.
6. Prioritise Physical Self-Care
Taking care of your body can have a significant impact on your emotional well-being. Engage in activities that help you feel good physically—whether it’s exercising, getting enough sleep, eating nourishing foods, or taking time for relaxation. Physical self-care is a reminder that you deserve kindness, attention, and compassion.
7. Engage in Purposeful or Meaningful Activities
One way to combat the negativity that comes from someone’s hatred is to engage in activities that bring you joy, purpose, and fulfillment. Whether it’s a hobby, work that aligns with your values, or volunteering, engaging in meaningful activities can remind you of your worth and your unique contributions to the world. These experiences help reinforce that your value isn’t determined by anyone’s opinion but by the positive impact you have on the world around you.
At the end of the day, loving yourself doesn’t mean ignoring the hurt caused by others — it means choosing to honor yourself regardless of the opinions and actions of others. People’s hatred is often a reflection of their own struggles, not a reflection of your character. Practice self-love, self-compassion, and self-care, and remember: you are worthy of all the love you give yourself.