Many people get defensive OFTEN. Righteous indignation, playing the victim, and whining can be heaps of fun; the problem is they don’t work! No one likes feeling under attack from judgement, criticism or blame. Yet, defensiveness gives rise to more defensiveness. We need to find a way out. The key lies in our response-ability. Watch this short video to find out more.
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Emotional regulation is a superpower. Whilst I was growing up, and even now as an adult, I found the X-Men Marvel characters really appealing. I mean what teenager doesn’t know the feeling of being weird, judged or like an outsider? How awesome it was to escape into a world where I could imagine having superpowers! Now I see…
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“People talk about forgiveness, but I am too full of hurt and resentment. Since doing couples counselling, we are better at communicating. I want to work it out, but I haven’t forgiven him yet. How do I let go of the past and forgive?” So, start by asking yourself what happens when you don’t forgive. If it’s only good things, then don’t forgive! But, more likely, you are asking this because you want out of the mental suffering that non-forgiveness creates…
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Set yourself free by recognising this one tendency we all share and how it can go awry. Life is to be lived, not controlled. Like a surfer in the waves, we need to respond to life, not stress ourselves managing and controlling it all.
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Sometimes anger comes from believing (consciously or unconsciously) that situations or people should be other than they are. It is normal for us to do this, but not very helpful. Things are as they are in each moment. Blame, anger and judgement rarely change life for the better. However, understanding the underlying feelings and needs […]
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This is a guest blog by a good friend of NBP, psychologist Karen Nixon. We hope it helps. Yesterday I read how affected some of my Facebook friends are at what Trump is doing. I felt very disturbed, spending the day on the Internet reading the news and a lot of commentary. I started to see him […]
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Unassertive people don’t share themselves with others. They keep quiet or say what they think others want to hear. They are afraid to speak their truth. But if you are not being open and honest, how can anyone know you? There are good reasons to put effort into learning to be more assertive.
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Beware the quiet and tolerant. They might seem sweet and remain calm for ages before one day you are hit with an explosion. Your sweet friend has turned into a bitch. And you wonder what is going on.
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Carrying insecurities from the past will prevent you building a lasting and satisfying relationship. Even though it is challenging to face and resolve your past hurts, it is always worthwhile.
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My girlfriend spends a lot of her time getting angry at her ex. I sympathised at first but after four months, it’s just as intense. She fumes whenever anything reminds her of him. How do I help her let go? One thing is for sure: you’re not helping her by being sympathetic. Right now, your girlfriend is stuck. […]
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I have read that people should express angry feelings in their imagination. Is it true? I think that if a person has an issue with someone, it is better to resolve it by getting it out in the open. Resolving problems with others is always worthwhile. However, getting it out in the open by letting loose with your angry […]
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Being in a long-term relationship is challenging. It is inevitable that you will sometimes slip into cycles of withdrawing (sulking or silent treatment) and of being adversarial (defending or attacking). This is your natural fight-or-flight instinct taking hold. How partners cope with these cycles determines the quality of the relationship and, indeed, whether the relationship […]
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